This is going to be about things that are none of your business. I’m going to say them and you can read them and invade my privacy. You can say whatever you want to, I don’t care, but this isn’t going to say anything that doesn’t mean anything.

I made a promise to a friend that I wouldn’t physically hurt myself, and sometimes I don’t care enough to keep that promise, but I have this feeling I need to keep my word don’t respond with all this shit about don’t kill yourself, because you’re not saying anything new. This is not for you. This is for me. If I don’t do it to myself, I can’t stop it. Once I sat on a bench and I couldn’t stop staring at the stars, this one star in the sky and I said five five five five, like I was a record stuck on a number I didn’t know why it was five, but it was. I came into my room and I broke all of my connections.

I do that a lot. I break my connections. I am not here. I am not there. I am not anywhere, and no one can find me. And you can touch my face and say that you can see me and you can hold my hand but you don’t know. And when I say that I am gone I mean it even though you see me right in front of you and I’m gone.